I am so tired. I am so fucking tired of being tired. Especially, when I know I have things to do. As optimisitic as I usually am, I can’t be right now. For the first time, in a very long time, I get a mild break where I have to wake up shortly after. Between school, angry customers and responsibilities on both physical and spiritual planes… I am completely beat up. I wish that I had more instances to dedicate time to myself and my life. God, knows that would be great. Yet, God doesn’t want me to do that right now. Does he? He wants me to figure out why I am suffering like this or making myself suffer in my own right. Which is cool, thanks God, for trying to make something apparent. It’s not working though, its really not fucking working. Maybe, by then end of this text I will have a major epiphany and be enlightened. OR. Maybe, I will just fart and go to bed and wake up doing the same thing. You know, for someone whom can really see outside the illusion, sometimes.. the physical sensations are strong enough to keep you in.
This is just a total improvised post that I made to show how I am truly feeling right now. Although, I am happy I just created my first post. I still have a hell of a lot to go. Not to mention, the amazing love of my life that still cease to exist…I think…is still on my mind. Random. I know. But I’m fucking tired and I don’t fucking care.
One of the ideas I had to share, were books. Like key concepts of books I like. I will try my best to make it sound interesting. Another idea I had was what I am doing now. Rambling about this thing called ‘life.’ I would remember the rest but I am too swept. That was me trying to sound fancy.
Here are some initial things that I might cover throughout the website. 1 big portion being the books I like to read, that I feel would help you on this wonderful earth journey. *Cough Cough*
There are my initial favorite top books, of course. I am considering doing an entire category dedicated to book reviews. Yet, I am in between that and just posting sources below every post I have that was majority influenced by a book. Anyway, I am really into the subconscious and self help classics that I can’t name, since I never rememeber the authors or the tiles, I just read it.
Let’s do a practice one to see if I am any good. Go easy on judging me please, I really have no idea what I am doing.
There is this book called, 101 secrets for your twenties. Also, my goal is not to just make a book review blog. It’s much more than that. However, books are a very good foundation, especially when you have an idea of what you want. You just don’t know where to start. That’s what we’re doing here. I am also in 20’s. So that’s another thing, moving on….
It gives weird advice, but I will stop on something that makes me feel something.
After some slight scanning, I decided to talk about her “Dreamjobland” when you graduate college. She mentions how it’s a lie and I agree. It’s a lie people. This is something I could talk about for hours. You know, we’re all in this systematic shit hole. Supposedly, you’re suppose to find yourself out this systematic shithole to be free. Usually, that systematic shithole starts with some form of edumacation. Yes, I mean edumacation, not education. Education alone can be abused/misused or balanced in a way or superior success. Yet, it depends what you are being educated on and who is educating you and where you are educated. Understanding why and how you are and are going to be educated over WHAT is learned. That’s the way it goes. If you are an American, like me, most likely, you will go to pre-school and start learning basic systematic shit. Like ABC or DEF, 123. You start learning American culture through the fam, and even more through that damn thing called a ‘television.’ I probably should hit this in another post, because it could go pretty deep. However, the just of it is, they set us up from the beginning. The moment we came into this world and even a little before whilst in the womb. Now, I am not angry that they set us up. I am not angry at all. I am on the other hand shocked of how much re-programming we have to do to seperate ourself from false realities and realizing how to not conform in this strict social norm society. I mean damn. It really makes you think. If I was never was told what an apple was on television or my mom or school from 0 years to 10. How the fuck would an apple look. How many times did someone repeatedly tell me what and apple was and its characteristics before I knew what a gosh damn apple was. This goes for numbers 1 to 10 and a to z too. How much programming, did whatever this illusion have to do to make me understand what was going on and how much do I need to re-program so I am not living in false realities. They programmed my pencil, my teacher, my mother, my schoolwork my enviroment to work in a certain way and in a certain order. The same way and order that you see at a traffic light. The programming is layers on top of layers. Then, college is layers on top of that and my dreamjob is layers on top of that. I mean really…how many layers do I have to pull back to see the truth. I will go ask Jesus and have an answer in another post.
I really mean that though. How many layers are on top of the truth. When I was a baby, someone told me all that an apple was. Was there at one point some crazy ass kid came to me and said, an apple is suppose to make you cry. Or you could go into religion. Don’t even get me started on Eve. It’s like, what is the truth of the apple, what is the true core of anything. Are the cores even real cores. So many damn questions and I almost failed philosophy. Random again, I know. BUT really.
Anywho, I will get those questions answered later. That was just 1 opinion towars one line in a book that I resonated with. I feel a little better because I kinda know what I am doing, but at the same time…I really don’t. In the end. I’m fucking tired and I am going to bed. Goodnight. <3
